I once read a quote by Kathryn Hepburn regarding love that went something like this: “Love is when you care more for the happiness of the other person than you do for your own.”  She spent her life loving a man, Spencer Tracy, who was married and could not be with her all the time.  She chose the situation as it was and spent her life loving one person whom she saw when she could.  It was a love of sacrifice and for her, it was enough.

There are endless songs and poems that try to define love and symbols of love can be found in every language and culture throughout the world.  I’ve never found one that quite sums it up for me.  Words often seem inadequate to express the way I feel towards those I love the most which is why I was inspired to write about it this month.

Do you see the guy in the picture?  That is my husband Robert and this month my husband and I celebrated 16 years of marriage and 20 years together.  It truly doesn’t seem that long and yet when I think back to everything we’ve been through 20 years doesn’t seem long enough. I didn’t start out with expectations of marriage and relationships.  I was directed and focused and didn’t leave too much room for anything else.  And while I am an open person when it comes to details of my life, I’ve always been more private in regards to my relationship.  I’m shy when it comes to public displays of affection and we didn’t have a big wedding with lots of people so I didn’t utter my vows in front of anyone except Robert, the official who married us and my stepson who was 12 at the time.  Even then, I could barely get the words out.  It’s a vulnerable place for me, and, as I mentioned earlier, there just aren’t words to describe it.

So I dedicate this post to the love of my life and I thought I’d use it as a chance to share what I’ve discovered about what it takes to make a  relationship great.

1. Never take the other person for granted.  About five years ago, Robert took a job out of the state we lived in and began commuting during the week.  At first it was difficult on all of us.  The kids missed their dad; I missed his presence so much I physically ached.  The weekends were short and stressful as we all prepared ourselves for another week.  It wasn’t just the big things either; it was all of the little things like taking out the garbage and helping clean up from dinner or just talking at the end of the day.  We spoke on the phone but it wasn’t the same.  As painful as it was, so many good things came out of that experience, but the biggest thing was, I never take Robert for granted now.  It has us relate to each other in a more powerful way.

2. It’s the little things that count.  I recently read of 2 people who leave love notes around for the other person to find.  I liked that idea, but then I thought about how the thoughtful things like bringing me a cup of coffee in the morning when I don’t have to get up or picking something up for me because he knows I like it are such acts of love.  It might not be a note in words, but it still leaves me with a warm tender feeling inside.   Those tiny acts of kindness leave a big impression.

3.  Give the other person space to breathe.  One thing I’ve always appreciated about Robert is that he recognized my need to be independent and he gave me space.  We don’t have separate rooms, however for years I wanted my own room and when we moved to the house we live in now, he built me an office.  It’s not just that- there are simply times when I need space, there is no other way to say it and Robert makes room for that.  The same is true for him; I know it’s not personal it’s just space.   We don’t always have to do everything together and that’s good because we don’t always like the same things.  For instance, Robert dislikes crowds.  Any event with too many people sends him over the edge so now I make plans without him and we’re both ok with that.

Many years ago I cleaned a house of a couple who had been married for several years.  I asked them what the key to a long marriage was and they said it was having separate bathrooms.  I’ve never forgotten that.

4. There is no such thing as forever.  Every relationship goes through stages and I believe that we reclaim and recommit over and over- it doesn’t stop just because 16 years ago we signed a legal document that said we were married.  Really all marriage did was saved us some money on taxes and made certain legalities easier.  The claiming of our relationship and choosing to be in it is something that occurs over and over again.  It makes our relationship something we want to be in and even as we both grow and change, we reclaim our love for each other and make a commitment to continue on this path together.  We may not say it out loud always but the energy is there.  Each time we commit, it’s to a deeper place.  That’s the part that takes my breath away and it’s also the part that surprises me the most.  It requires faith, courage, and vulnerability to stay there.

5. Letting go of Expectations. Are there things about my spouse that make me crazy?  Of course there are.  Many years ago I made a choice to embrace all that I loved about Robert with all that made me crazy about him- recognizing that parts of what I loved about him, his fierce courage and loyalty for example, also could be edgy and overwhelming at times.  I let go of the expectations that he would change and chose to accept and embrace him as he is- asking for the same in return because I’m not perfect either and I know what it takes for him to accept me.  I feel this is something we’ve both done and as a result, we have less conflict now around those issues than we used to.  This could have only happened over time and it isn’t always easy.  Just like reclaiming occurs over and over, so does letting go sometimes.  With that said, I cannot imagine going through this life without him.

Happy New Year everyone!  I’ve started writing this post about 5 different times before the words I wanted to say actually came to me.  This is such a great time of the year as things feel fresh and the whole year is laid out before us as a sea of possibility.  I always have that sense that anything is possible and the curiosity compels me forward in ways that don’t always happen at other times of the year.

Capturing this energetic time is important for me as there is always so much I want to do.  I used to look at the year as a whole and create my goals and resolutions from there.  This year is different.  This year I do have some overall goals and as for the word “resolutions,” I’m throwing that out the window.  I prefer the word “agreements.”  I am making agreements with myself for what I will do and who I want to be.  I also divided the year into quarters- not too shocking right?  After all the business world has talked in terms of quarters since forever.  “By the end of the first quarter I want to…”  Something about that feels more manageable to me.

I also stand reminded of another important fact and that is that I do reach goals.  The ones that really matter are the ones I pursue:  for example, it’s been a little more than 3 years since I started working out on a regular basis.  I read an article about Barack Obama working out 6 days a week while campaigning in one of the longest primaries in history and then right into a general election.  He did it all while traveling across the country and I realized at that moment the magnitude of importance for taking care of one’s self if one wants to do great things.  That was it for me.  I hit the gym and I’ve been consistent ever since.

I also didn’t start out that routine with a goal in mind- I just started moving.  The running came later.  The Half-marathon came even later than that.  It was about 6 months before I’d let myself buy a new pair of running shoes for fear that I was not going to stick with it.  I fooled my gremlins and kept going.

Taking that as a lesson for other areas of my life, I’ve begun to pursue my work in a different way- particularly around pursuing work that inspires me.  The Living Forward Foundation , MobileCoach™, soon to be a true app, and my latest program, the Fast Forward Running Club, are all programs that come from my highest values: health, passion, community, fun, and hope.

So as you take stock of last year, and look forward to a new one, make a note of the things that really matter to you.  Is it spending more time with your family for a goal of being a closer tight-knit family?  That’s a great goal.  It doesn’t matter what your goal is as long as it comes from your deepest desires and longing- pushed forward by a compelling force and pursued with passion.  One more thing:  have a good time pursuing those goals and share your goals with others.  Hint: I’d love to hear what they are.

The other night my kids were watching the movie, A Christmas Carol.  They turned it off half way through because my youngest daughter didn’t understand it and lost interest.  Later she asked me about it and I began to tell her the story.  As I was telling her the meaning behind the story it occurred to me that Ebenezer Scrooge is the ultimate example of what happens when our gremlins (negative self-talking monsters) become larger than life. When I considered the subtext of Scrooge’s behavior and words, “Bah Humbug!” the unspoken message to me was, “I’m not getting hurt again!”  As his heart closed from loss and perceived betrayal, he became more withdrawn and cut off from the world.

This time of year the lines between the haves and have nots become so clear.  People give more to charity at this time of year than at any other time.   It is hard to ignore people begging on the streets as others walk by with their arms full of presents.  It was so in Dickens’ time and it is still true today.   There are a few ways to keep yourself from closing up, even if you have less money this year than last, or you are experiencing a sense of loss or grief in your life.  There is a reason we have a phrase called, “The Holiday blues.”  It’s because more people feel depressed during this time of year that at other times.

In my coaching practice, I have a phrase that I use: “Your feelings are real they aren’t necessarily true.” Try this right now. Allow yourself to think of a memory or a time you felt sad and then notice how you begin to feel.  Soon  you will start to feel sad in this moment even though there is nothing going on to make you sad, except that you thought about it.  In my acting training we called this phenomenon, “Sense Memory.”  It is an ability of the human mind to recall an event and experience the feelings as if they were happening right now.  Our environments can produce conditions that remind us of a time we were sad and then the feelings start.

Many people overlook this or think it is real in the moment.  One way to deal with this is to notice the feeling and name it.  You can even say “I feel sad.”  Take a moment to let yourself experience it and then ask yourself in the moment, “what is making me feel this way?”  You may be experiencing a sense memory recall without even realizing it.  I cry every time I hear the song, “Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”  My family knows it and I expect it every time so it’s not that strange when I begin to cry every time that song comes on.  I’m ok with it.  It lets me know my heart is open- while that might scare some people; I’m more scared of not feeling than of feeling.

On the other hand, if you do see someone in need this Holiday season and you do feel sad or empathetic in the moment that also demonstrates that your heart is open. It doesn’t mean you can rescue and save everyone, it simply means you are being present and a witness to another person’s suffering.  Be thankful you can feel that way.  It is your humanity and your heart responding and it’s ok.

Keeping your heart open to what is around you is a choice.  Much like Ebenezer finally did in the movie A Christmas Carol, this Holiday Season give others the gift of your presence, your attention, and your compassion.  Be joy, be love, and most of all be open.  When Scrooge runs out of his home on Christmas morning, one can’t help but be touched by his humanity and how long it took him to get there.  Don’t wait for the ghosts of the past to wake you up to the present.  Wake up now and enjoy all that this season has to offer.

Sinking into the Divine as my cup runneth over

This year I am feeling a particularly keen sense of gratitude. Gratitude that I made it through this year with my spirit intact; gratitude that my children are healthy and doing well in school; gratitude that my husband has a job where he makes enough money to support our household; gratitude for my clients and the amazing work they’ve done this year, and gratitude for the overwhelming sense of the divine ever present in my life.   I feel it everywhere.

I also feel present to the suffering of those around me.  So many for whom life’s circumstances have been so heavy and the weight of the load appears to have broken their spirits.  Families under stress, people unemployed and the sheer will it takes for some people to get up and keep moving.  The stories of heartache are everywhere: in the paper, the news, online, and directly in our neighborhoods: signs of foreclosures and families forced to move because they’ve run out of money, energy, or both.    Witnessing the magnitude of so many struggling almost brings me to my knees.

In looking back upon this year, I would not say it’s been my best year, and yet, I hesitate to pass judgment on it yet.  Something happened: a transformation occurred, even when it has felt like nothing was happening.  I feel different in my skin.  I can only describe it as a buzz, an energy that is coursing through me.  I didn’t have to leave my home to go on a journey of discovery and transformation: it found me.  The details are unimportant- at least in this context- what is important is that I feel different.

Inside of the Syndney Cathedral

I call it the divine.  Other world religions call it God, consciousness, presence….  The language and words used may be different, but the experience is the same.  It’s a feeling I used to get walking into a sacred space like a large Cathedral with high ceilings and big stained glass windows.  As a child I used to love going to the big Cathedral at Christmas time when the choir would sing: their voices ricocheting off walls and the tremor of their vocals lingering even as the song ended.  It was a magical experience for me.

Recalling that experience reminds me of how little it took to tap into the divine.  All I had to do was believe and allow the magic of the moment to flood my senses.  That’s what has happened to me this year, even when it didn’t feel very magical.  Something has shifted.

So for this year at this time of thanks- I feel overcome with the need to thank so many people. This year in particular people have come forward and supported me in so many ways.  I’m awed and humbled.  It is the thing that has kept me going.  Having a vision and belief that is bigger than yourself is hard to sustain when the pressures of life start to bear down.  That is when having others around you to remind you of who you are -and the impact you make- helps and so to all of you who have done that for me, I say thank you.

This is a reprint of last October 2010 though the first time posted here.

I went to Chicago on Sunday to cheer for the Marathon runners in this Year’s Chicago Marathon.  45,000 people signed up to run, a little more than 38,000 made it to the starting line and approximately 36,000 people finished.  That is an extraordinary number given the distance of the run, the heat of the day, and the long hours from start to finish.  It is not a goal to take on lightly.  It requires discipline, consistency, mental and physical fortitude, and a willingness to push ones’ self to the edge. It was double the distance I had run a month earlier.

I watched from the Mile 9 marker so it was still early on in the race, but past the beginning stage.  Some people ran with sweat flying off of their bodies, they looked like sprinklers!  Others smiled and waved to the crowd, and many others looked straight ahead concentrating on the run.  Everyone ran it differently.  The Elite runners were the most serious of all.  They looked straight ahead, many without smiling.  I watched them in awe as they literally flew past me.

I found myself happy to be on the sidelines for this one- watching, cheering, and taking it all in.  I ran my run- this one I could just enjoy and be there for the ones who were brave enough to do it.  It felt so good to be there.

It also reminded me that every time we take on a challenge or commit to something that feels beyond our comfort zone, we enter a stretch band.  It’s a metaphor I’ve come to use to describe the ascents we make from one place to another.  It’s the new watermarks we set for ourselves that measure our growth as we move forward in life.   Running is a great metaphor because it starts out feeling impossible, but with commitment, discipline and consistency, anyone can run a marathon- it just takes time and a desire to do it.   Also, it doesn’t have to be running, it can be anything.

This is a huge lesson for me because the truth is I’m lazy.  I get to a place of comfort and I tend to want to stay there.  I have to push myself to go beyond that zone and find compelling reasons to move forward.   Signing up for marathons, or ½ marathons, motivates me to get moving because if I don’t train, there is no way I can finish the run.

The beauty of this metaphor is that it translates to other areas as well.  Relationships, jobs, careers, raising children, raising money, all of these activities require consistency, compelling reasons to act, and self-discipline to keep going.  That is the most significant learning for me.  This summer while I was training, I was also growing in other areas of my life as well:  as a coach a business person, a mother, a wife.  I came up with ideas that I am now bringing to life, because of the practice of training for my run.  It inspired other areas of my life as well, not just the ½ marathon.

I don’t know if I’ll ever run a full marathon.  I won’t say never since I used to say, I’d never run any great distance, but my new watermark is 13.1 miles so never say never.  Whether I do or don’t, one thing I now know is that I can if I want to and I know what to do to get there.  That’s the real gift.  So whether your goal is to lose weight, or start your own business, the first step is to realize that you can do it, if you want to.  If you’re not sure how to do it, seek out others in the community who have accomplished that goal, look online for information, or hire a life coach.  Share your goals with others, and then get to work.  Do something.  A favorite quote of mine is, “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm” by Ralph Waldo Emerson.   Become enthusiastic about your life and your goals, share them with others, practice and train and then become unstoppable.

The Clock in Macy's Chicago State St. Courtesy of Dan Ness

You have Time

Life is a marathon, not a sprint.  I have been saying that phrase in my head over and over the past few months, probably because I was in training for a Half-marathon and seriously considering a full one next year.  It is only fitting that my mindset is about running metaphors these days.

It is also helpful to me in other ways as well, especially when it comes to planning and “getting through stuff.”  Planning something is easy: you set a goal, you build in action steps and deadlines, and then you get to work.  Life doesn’t always happen according to a plan.  Kids or pets get sick, cars break down, banks make errors, whatever the case may be and soon you find yourself in the middle of something.  In those moments it is so hard to remember what it is you’re heading for or what end goal you have in mind.

This is true for any area of your life, relationships, money, work, or fitness.  Setting goals in any of those areas, or having a dream of what you want to have happen takes time.  In fact, everything takes time.  To truly cultivate something real and lasting takes time.

Aaahhhh…….I feel the sigh escaping my lips even as I write these words.  Take a deep breath and let it out slowly.  You have time.

I am by design an impatient person.  I probably should have been a sprinter when I was younger, but as I’ve grown older, I see the value in recognizing that it takes time and that having a longer view is a much more sane approach.  There are emergencies in life and times when you must move and act quickly, but the majority of things you have to do are not as urgent as you think and being consistent and diligent is what actually pays off, not running and scurrying from here to there in a hurry to do whatever it is you’re doing.

Even job searching and other situations that can make us feel desperate take time.  In fact, it is the counter intuitive way to think about things, but surrendering to it and slowing down while moving through the steps can free up the needed energy to let something extraordinary happen.

Nature knows it.  Watch a flower grow and bloom from seed to flower.  It takes time.  A mighty oak tree takes years to reach magnificent heights and develop a deep root system.  It’s impossible to plant a tree today and have a huge shaded area tomorrow.  It takes time.  This may be hard to remember, especially in our ever- increasing fast-paced world, and it is still possible.  So the next time you feel the urge to feverishly move in some direction, think again, take a deep breath and let it out slowly.  You have time.

September 7, 2011

Right now I’m sitting at my dining room table enjoying a beautiful fall-like day. The sun is shining bright in the sky; the sky is a robin egg blue, and the breeze is whistling through the trees.  I feel a deep sense of gratitude for this glorious day.  There are so many ways or perspectives to view this day.  It is the first day I’ve been home alone since my kids started back to school.  It’s 4 days before the 10^th anniversary of the events from 9/11 2001 and it’s 4 days before my 2^nd time of running the Chicago Half-marathon.  When I signed up to run it a year ago, a few days after the first time I ran it, I didn’t think too much about what it would be like to run on the 10^th anniversary of that eventful day in 2001 and as I’ve watched the news coverage leading up to the day, I find myself thinking often about where I was 10 years ago and how different my life is now.

Ten years ago, I lived in Phoenix Arizona.  My children were young!  Chloe wasn’t even a year yet and Madison was 5.  They were both in a daycare that I loved and I worked for the Maricopa County Clerk of Court.  I loved my job and my coworkers.  That day my husband was scheduled to have surgery on his wrist and I had an important presentation to deliver to the senior managers of the Clerk’s office.  I was up very early just drinking my coffee, when the local news reported that a plane had hit one of the World Trade Towers in New York.

They switched back to local news and I immediately turned to CNN and saw the now iconic image of the smoking tower, wondering if it was a large commercial plane or a small plane. At that point, it wasn’t clear what had happened.  I also wondered if people in the still intact tower were just sitting at their desks working while watching the other tower burn.  I remembered thinking that I would have left immediately.

I shook my husband awake to show him and as I walked away, he yelled that another plane had hit the other tower.  That was the moment. That was the unmistakable moment when we realized that this was not an accident, but a planned and deliberate attack of the buildings.  The news reel scrolling at the bottom of the screen was saying that an undisclosed fire was burning at the Pentagon and even though they didn’t say what it was, there was this sense of knowing that it was connected to what was happening in NY City. No one knew what was going on and there were few official reports to give because even the officials didn’t know what was going on.  Within a short span of time, everything changed.

Then we did what we always do: we started our day, only this time I wondered what was going to happen next and should I even go to work, but I did and the day didn’t last very long. The presiding judge closed the courts and I didn’t give my presentation that day.  Instead I sat in a waiting room glued to a tv with everyone else watching in silent horror as events unfolded waiting for my husband to be released.  I was touching the arm of the person sitting next to me and neither of us must have realized it because neither one of us moved away.  They had to say my name 3 times before I realized they were calling me.

For people who witnessed it first hand and experienced a direct loss, this memory must be very painful.  I hope people are taking time for themselves to reflect on this.  Now that I am a coach, I understand the importance of acknowledging whatever feelings are present. Moving forward sometimes requires a backward glance to see how far we’ve come and to recognize how much of the past is still with us.

Forgiving is not forgetting and forgetting is not healing.

Ten years ago I never would have thought that I would even want to run 13 miles, let alone actually be able to.  For me-it’s a good way to spend the day. And if there is anything to be learned and remembered from that day it is this:  the world is a both/and place.  It is tragic and beautiful, evil and good, scary and exciting, and the cure for most of the world’s problems is love.  I’ll let you know how I do on Sunday and however you choose to spend the day, may it be an authentic expression of who you are.

Peace, Suzanne

A few weekends ago, I went camping with my husband, kids, and my mom.  Actually, we were invited by my mom to go with her to the El-Roy Sparta bike trail in Wisconsin.  We spent 4 glorious days unplugged with no internet or cell phone access.  Each day started with a cup of coffee under the cool shade of the trees as we contemplated what we felt like doing that day.

Usually, I relax and do very little when I camp.  I bring a book or 2 and find a cozy spot to read while everyone does whatever they want to do.  I like to hike and explore, but mostly I like to read and listen to the sounds of the forest:  the wind blowing through the trees, birds speaking to each other, and the faint whisper of a leaf falling every now and then.  But this trip was different.

Part of the difference was we went to a place known for activity.  The campground we stayed at, Tunnel Trail Campground, was right along the bike path and less than a mile from one of three cool, dark tunnels so the temptation to go see the tunnels was too great to ignore.  The other draw was all of the people coming off the trail talking about the trip, the tunnels, and how many miles they went that day.  I couldn’t resist!  I had to see the tunnels.

On Sunday I took a shorter ride with my mom through the close tunnel.  We went about 9 miles roundtrip.  The tunnel was awesome!  We could barely see the light at the other end.  The whole thing felt very Tolkien like, I pictured Gandalf and the fellowship standing around the entrance to the mines of Moria trying to figure out how to open the gates.  In our case, it was open already.  The mist from the water only added to the effect.

That same afternoon, we canoed down the Kickapoo River.  My mom and I were in 1 canoe and the kids and Robert were in another.  We laughed our way through the entire 3 hour trip!  We kept running into things and getting turned around because we weren’t very good at it and I even threw my oar out of the canoe at one point- in order to save my life of course!  Luckily, it landed on dry land and my daughters were able to retrieve it for me.

Part way through the trip I was thinking about how many times I’ve heard life compared to a river: full of bends and rapids and how one can either ride the current and be swept along, or fight the current and try to change the course of the river.  Obviously trying to fight the river is meant to symbolize a life full of suffering and hardship.  In our case we all spent most of the trip trying to paddle without running into anything- with little success of course!  If that trip was symbolic of my life, it explains a lot.  I kept running into things, getting turned around, and laughing so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes.  At one point we had to ask another group of people in a canoe to give us a push so we could head in the right direction again.

If life is like a river, then I think I’m ok with laughing my way through it.  Several times we stopped and played in the water under majestic rock formations (like the one pictured above) that were too beautiful to ignore and the heat of the day only helped to drive us into the cool waters of the river.  If that is my life so be it.  When it was over, we all agreed it was the most fun we had had in a long time.  I left that river being reminded following:

• laugh more
• worry less
• Do not ignore the beauty that surrounds me.

It was a very good reminder.   Do you have a metaphor for life?  I’d love to hear it.  As always, thanks for reading.

Suzanne

When A Storm Blows In

Last week a storm came barreling through my town taking many trees and branches down as mother nature unleashed her fury on us unsuspecting folks. It wasn’t predicted to be as bad as it ended up being and though it lasted for only 20 to 30 minutes, it did a lot of damage. I lost power for approximately 36 hours, though there were many more who were without electricity for longer than that.

For several days, it was all people talked about. Businesses were closed, appointments cancelled, and time seemed to stop for a awhile. Luckily, the weather was cooler so even though the power was gone, the open windows provided relief from the heat and I was grateful that I could sleep. In fact, minus being able to watch tv or get on the computer, I rather enjoyed the break from the hum of electrical currents all around. Once the lights went out and there wasn’t much to do, I fell into a deep sleep and awoke to the sound of birds chirping. It was one of the best nights of sleep I’ve had in some time.

For others the outage was less relaxing and much more irritating: people had to throw out the contents of their refrigerators and freezers, and kids started whining at the lack of things to do. It certainly was a matter of perspective. After the destruction I’ve seen in other places on tv, this seemed like only fair. We have dodged many bullets in the area I live in.

Some of the positive things I heard of included neighbors looking in on each other and sharing power with those who didn’t have it: in some neighborhoods one side of the street had power while the other side did not. Strangers talked and shared tales; everywhere we went, it seemed people were talking about the storm or cleaning up from it. It brought people together. For a short time, we were in a shared experience.

Far too soon though, electricity came back on and life quickly resumed its normal pace. One good thing: Harry Potter, Deathly Hallows part 2 opened at midnight on Thursday night and so the destruction of the storm paled in comparison to Hogwarts and for a little while many of us even forgot about the clean up and damage brought on by the storm. but I’ll save that story for another post. Thanks for reading.

Suzanne

Many years ago in a workshop I was facilitating, a participant shared a metaphor that resonated for the whole group.  The metaphor was of the ocean floor during a hurricane and how calm it is, even as the top of the ocean is wildly erratic and stormy.  The participant used the metaphor in her own life as she faced a life-threatening illness.  She said the ocean floor image became an anchor for her to hold in her heart as she went through a very difficult time.

I have often thought of this image when I am experiencing challenges or difficulties around me.  Sometimes it feels like hurricane season all the time, with little breaks in between to regroup, and the need to find a center and hold onto it becomes a daily activity, not a once in awhile event.

Recently I have felt a strong sense of unrest, fear, and edginess in my own life.  I haven’t been in this space for awhile.  Now from one perspective, I know that this is my own process of transformation: changes are taking place and I am aware of them, and I’m having a hard time finding my center and feeling grounded.  As a small business owner and coach with a vision for transforming the status quo, I have found myself on very shaky ground, sometimes even grasping for dangling branches as I try not to look down.  I have brought myself to an edge again, though this time it feels like a turning point in my life.  Either things work out or I completely shift my focus and go get a “real job.”  That is where I’m at in this moment.  It’s a transparent look inside my head.

Holding to the ocean floor metaphor allows me the opportunity to slow things down, look from another perspective and make a choice that is clear, in line with my values, and gives me a sense of empowerment.  Even writing this down has been a helpful experience.  So in the spirit of sharing and always looking for the learning for my own sake and yours, here are some ways you can also apply this process in your own life.

Step One: recognize the space you’re in.  Are things feeling out of control? Some clues are difficulty in making decisions, a lack of energy, trouble sleeping even though you’re exhausted, and a general feeling of discontent.  Can you name what you’re feeling?  Once you have a sense of it it’s easier to do something about it.

Step Two:  If you’ve ever done any personal development work before, go back a structure that worked for you.  It might be listening to your favorite music, talking to a friend or writing in a journal.  Choose a structure and spend some time remembering what’s important to you.  Another great exercise to do is to write down 10 things you’re grateful for or 10 things you’re proud of.  Shifting your energy to what works vs. staying in that energy of what doesn’t work, will serve you more in step three.

Step Three: List out your options.  What choices do you have?  This is like a big brainstorming session and it’s important to allow every possible choice to surface, even the ones that seem ridiculous or absurd.

Step Four:  If you didn’t do so in the step above, look at each choice again and consider possible outcomes for each option you wrote down.  Literally try on that choice- stand up, move to another space and “try it on.”  How does it feel? What do you imagine will happen?  Write down any insights you have.  Say each choice out loud and pay attention to your body- which ones resonate or feel the most “alive.”

Step Five:  Now take some action, any action.  Notice the fear you feel even reading that statement.  It’s OK to feel afraid.  Remember courage is acting in spite of your fear.  Do something anything, and see what happens.

Someone told me recently that dreams are a waste of time. They cannot afford to dream.  Dreams have kept me alive and helped me overcome difficult circumstances in my life from the time of my earliest memories.  Of course they were not all going to come true.  I don’t think that was the point.  The dreams made it possible for me to get through my challenges with a smile, a determination, and a sense of hope.  If that is a fool’s dream then call me a fool.  I’m ok with that.

So after listing out my options and trying several on, a few stick out.  I want to continue being a coach; that is the bottom line.  I love what I do, I love helping others and I am so committed to finding ways of making a difference on a large scale.  To that end I have created a sister non-profit agency to Living Forward so that I can offer coaching to specifically empower the lives of individuals and organizations who are in transition, experiencing hardship, or who are disenfranchised in any way. What this work is teaching me is that nothing extraordinary gets done working alone.  The Living Forward Foundation is formed and the paperwork is nearly complete.  If you want to be an early supporter of this work, let me know.  Send me an email suzanne@livingforwardllc.com  or reply here.  I need start-up funds to get the Foundation off the ground.  This is my choice- to stick with my purpose and passion of making a difference as a coach out in the world.  It is my way of leveling the playing field.

Thank you for reading, for supporting, and for witnessing the process.  You are all amazing!

Suzanne

BTW for other cool ocean floor images, check out this link