A perspective, according to Google, is defined as “a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.” All of us have a perspective or a way of seeing the world through our relationship with it. We have a perspective regarding relationships, people, art, events: life. We also tend to think of our perspective as truth – forgetting at times that others may have a different perspective and they may also think theirs is true.
This is true with memories as well. I was recently with extended family whom I haven’t seen for some time and everyone is more grown up now, some with children of their own. I was being introduced to the smaller kids who don’t know me as “Aunt Sue.” As I listened to their parents describe me, it occurred to me that these kids’ perspectives of me will be shaped through how their parents experienced me years ago when they were smaller. That thought stopped me for a minute as I tried to reflect back on what that might be.
It also made me very present of that moment in which I had an opportunity to shape a new perspective for both younger kids and their parents. It is still possible to build relationships with people even after time has passed. I also realized that I cannot change or “take away” how people have experienced me in the past; I can only change my perspective now and be humbled by the positive or negative perspectives they might have had. Being open to the possibility that their perspective of me might be negative, and to not be defensive about it, gives me tremendous freedom to invite something new into the relationship.
So that was what I did. I asked questions, shared stories, and was present to the people I was with in the time I was there. I am “Aunt Sue” and I hope that means, fun, loving, attentive, interesting and interested, and nice to be with. That was the perspective I had as I spent time with family and friends.
The next time you find yourself in a disagreement or disconnection with someone, think about what their perspective of you or the situation might be and then be willing to accept it without being defensive. Simply accept it and see what changes for you. You might be surprised.