Author’s Note: I wrote this article 5 years ago, and reading it today made me realize that it’s still relevant and still difficult, yet something worth practicing. I wanted to share it again.
For the past several weeks, I have felt a sense of wanting to complete things. I have created daily intentions around this very thing. I always feel a touch of this around this time of year as the school year wraps up and grades come to an end. This year is even more significant for me as my oldest daughter graduates 8th grade and begins high school in the fall. Where did the time go?
Other things are completing around me as well: tasks, projects and relationships – as in ending ties with those I need to and being complete in conversations that are no longer relevant to my life. Even though I intuitively know that this is a good thing and that the life cycle has this process built into it, I also find a sense of discomfort around doing it in certain situations, be it that I don’t want to hurt feelings or that I second guess a decision that keeps me from acting. I’ve even found myself struggling with completing this article.
I know I am not alone in my discomfort and awkwardness around completion. I know because I meet people all the time who are in relationships they can’t seem to let go of, jobs and houses they don’t like, and family dramas that have gone on for years and years. I also know the impact of not being complete with things. When I don’t practice completion, things get left undone or unsaid and that creates chaos and confusion as well as a sense of unrest and unbalance in my life.
In my coach’s training, one of the exercises we did at every course I took was to go around and have each participant say whatever they needed or wanted to and then end with the phrase: “I’m complete.” It allowed all of us to bring our time together for that particular course to a close and move onward into the future unencumbered by things left unsaid. It is a powerful exercise when used regularly.
It also takes time and practice. There was a time when I did not like saying goodbye or completing anything and so I just left or ran away depending on who you ask. When I moved to Arizona many years ago, I didn’t tell anyone that I wasn’t coming back, even though I had a gut feeling that I wasn’t returning to my home at that time. I couldn’t bear to look anyone in the eyes and say goodbye. I didn’t want to see their disappointment or whatever they might have felt by such news. I was overcome by my own sense of sadness that I couldn’t bear to witness anyone else’s.
Over time, people in my life began to realize I wasn’t coming back and as more time passed, everyone just became used to it. My unwillingness to be complete with others left many in confusion and impacted my own life significantly – until I was finally able to acknowledge my own fear of saying goodbye and learned to let go of that past.
Once I did that, I was able to be in healthier relationships with everyone and embrace the moments as they happened. That ability served me a few years ago when it came time to say goodbye to my Grandma. I found that I was able to stand in the sadness even though I knew she was dying. I felt very complete around the ending of her life and feel like nothing was left unsaid.
In the movie Hope Floats, there is a line that the mother says to Sandra Bullock’s character that goes something like this: beginnings are hard, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts. Learning to say goodbye allows us to let go and frees up tremendous amounts of space for other opportunities to show up. The next time you feel yourself hanging onto something or avoiding doing something, think about what you’re really avoiding and what possibilities you might be missing because of your unwillingness to face an ending and instead create completion. It may be simple and it’s not always easy. Stick with it though and try not to run away. You’ll be glad you did, and with that: I’m complete.
P.S. We will be launching a webinar series in the near future called “The Art of Being Human” that will cover different sets of life skills. If you are interested or have questions about the series, please contact anna.blaho@livingforwardllc.com.